Not Who You Think
by Breath-of-twilight
Summary: Bella is lost inside her own head- living the only life she remembers, while plagued by haunting dreams and bright green eyes. Will she ever find out who she really is? Or is she fated to live a life of shadowed memories?
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer – The original characters belong to SM. I own nothing, but this plot and my twisted ideas. No infringement is intended. Please don't steal my words. It is not nice. Do you really want to be a thief?**

**This story is dark and will constantly need an M rating. Please read with caution. Dark themes, violence, sex, profanity and scenes of rape. Not for the faint at heart.**

**Chapters with anything that may be considered too dark or disturbing will have an extra warning.**

**PS- please pay attention to dates and places at the top of each chapter. This will help you. trust.**

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Summary – Maria is broken and lost and living a nightmare beyond your wildest imaginings. By day, she lives the life she has been handed. By night, she dreams of another life. One that is filled with haunting sounds and bright green eyes. A life just barely there, in the dark vestiges of her mind. But what do the dreams mean? Are they just her mind trying to conjure up something happy? Or is it something much more? Something Maria needs to remember to know the real truth?

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**NWYT**

**Prologue**

**Forks, Washington - May 25****th**** 1995**

Little Alice was tired of playing Barbies with her small, dark haired friend Bella. As much as she loved doing their hair and dressing them up in cute little outfits, Alice also enjoyed playing with her big brother and his best friend, playing their kind of big boy games.

"I'll be right back, Bella," Alice called over her shoulder as she darted towards where the boys were across the field.

Bella watched wide-eyed as her friend took off towards their brothers. Her tiny heart hammered in her chest. She already knew what Alice was doing without even asking. Alice wanted to play with the boys, and that would mean Bella would have to play with them, as well.

It wasn't that Bella didn't enjoy playing the games the boys did. In fact, Bella really had fun throwing the ball around with Emmett, but Edward, well, Edward was a different story. Edward always made her feel funny, little in a way, like she was nothing more than an annoying ant interrupting a sunny picnic. His hard eyes always watched her. Never giving her a chance to just enjoy herself with him around, because she always felt like she was being watched, judged even.

Bella believed Edward thought himself better than her, and Bella didn't like that one bit. She had considered showing Edward she was just as good as him, despite the three year difference in ages. Bella was very smart for her age. Her mother always called her a prodigy of sorts, saying some day Bella would be very successful and all her smarts would be put to good use. Bella's only downfall was her lack of being able to recall past events. Bella routinely forgot simple things, like where she left her shoes or what she had eaten the previous day. Sometimes even bigger things, like who was picking her up from school or, once even, what her last name was.

Bella's parents had taken her to see a special doctor, thinking the nice man in the white coat might be able to help Bella with her loss of memories. After a whole bunch of confusing tests, the nice man had no answers for Bella, except for maybe when she was able to start a journal of sorts. Something for her to write down all the important things, just in case.

Alice came stumbling back down the hill. She smiled brightly at Bella as she skidded to a stop at her side.

"They said they'd play with us. I told them I don't like that football, so they agreed to play with the large bouncy ball instead." Alice beamed with excitement, and Bella couldn't help but smile back. She hated to upset anyone and the thought of making Alice sad just because Bella didn't feel right around Edward just wasn't right to Bella. So, she did the only thing she could, she acted as if that were great news and put on her biggest smile.

Alice and Bella looked over to where their brothers were tossing around a football and smiled. They both looked up to their big brothers. Alice thought hers was the smartest ever. Whenever she needed help with her homework she went right to him, and every time he helped her without fail. He always made it seem so easy. Alice envied how little he had to try at everything he did and how easily it all came to him. When she grew up, she wanted to be just like him.

Bella thought her brother was invincible. Nothing could ever harm him, and whenever she had him near, nothing would ever harm her either. He was her protector. He kept the scary monster that lived under her bed away. He even convinced their dad to cut back the tree that kept trying to break into her bedroom window during lightening storms. Bella's dad had been insistent that Bella was now five and something like a tree outside her window was a silly fear, but Emmett wouldn't' let it go, and three days later the gloomy tree had been pilled against the shed to use for firewood. Bella didn't even want to think about what that evil tree would do to her if it ever had gotten into her bedroom one night.

Bella bounced in her spot as Emmett came bounding down the small hill.

"Emmy, will you be my partner?"

"Sure, Belly bear. Let's kick their butts." Even at only eight years old, Emmett was booming loud in volume, and, of course, their mom heard his reply.

"Emmett, language," she called from her lounge chair.

Emmett flinched. He hated the sound of disappointment in his mother's voice, but couldn't help himself. The words just always slipped out so naturally. "Sorry, Mom," he called back as he reached Bella's side and ruffled her long stringy hair.

Emmett had no issues with showing playful affection towards his sister. In fact, he almost seemed to like to do so. Bella and Emmett had been as close as close can be since Bella was twelve months old and had taken her first step.

Since then, Bella had followed Emmett around like a lost puppy dog, and Emmett had taken the role of big brother very seriously. He would teach little Bella all he knew and protect her with his entire being, and up until today, he always had.

"Emmett, when are you going to ever start acting like a boy? Boys don't like girls, you know."

Edward Cullen teased his closest friend, and not for the reasons you're thinking, because Edward, too, was extremely close to his little sister, but he also wanted to be extremely close to Bella, and Bella always kept her distance. Edward resented her for that. Bella had no clue she hurt him with her rejection.

Bella always felt some sort of weird tingly feeling when ever Edward was near. It scared her, so she kept away, hoping sooner or later the weird, uncomfortable feeling would go away.

As long as Bella could remember, it never changed. She felt it when he was nearby, and she felt it even stronger the closer he got.

"Why do you always have to pretend to be much a turd monkey, E?" Alice called out softly, her tiny, sharp voice trembling with emotion. Alice loved her brother dearly. He was her everything, aside from her best friend Bella, and it hurt her heart to hear him being so cruel.

A light gleam of unshed tears glistened at the corner of her eyes, Edward immediately felt bad, but not bad enough to take what he said back.

"Don't cry, Ali. I'll be your partner." Alice immediately perked up. She smiled brightly at her big brother as he came to her side and popped the ball out from her tiny hands.

He looked towards his friend Emmett. "You two are so going down," he taunted. Knowing full well it would be a lot more of a challenge to beat Emmett than that. Even Bella, his sister, was pretty good at hitting the ball back. But Edward had a plan to get back at the know-it-all girl. He was tired of the way she looked at him, all-knowing and with distaste. What had he ever done to her to deserve her attitude? He was always polite and smiled at her if and when she ever looked at him, which, if he counted correctly, wasn't very often. If anything, he was intrigued by her. She had the biggest brown eyes ever, and he could stare at them all day. Mysteries, he had convinced himself, hid within those dark pools. Ever since Emmett brought Edward over to meet his new baby sister at the tender age of three, Edward had felt a kinship to the little girl. A strong pull of sorts, and Edward always followed his gut feelings. Except this time, he couldn't. She wouldn't let him get within a few feet of her before she turned and bolted in the opposite direction. It hurt. Edward would never admit it to anyone else, but it did.

When Edward questioned Emmett about his sister's odd behaviour, Emmett assured him she was just shy around boys and to give her time. Edward had known Bella since she was brought home from the hospital by her parents, and in all that time, nothing had changed. Bella still ran from him like he had cooties. Edward resigned to blowing her off and not letting her get to him anymore. Someday she would get over whatever her problem was, and maybe then he would learn her secrets.

Someday was a day that would never come.

"You two can have the ball first," Emmett called over to Alice and Edward from across the field.

"You guys be careful with your little sisters." The boys didn't even pay attention to which mom called out to them, they just hollered back a collective, "We know, Mom," and continued on with the game.

Edward hit the ball directly between Emmett and Bella. Emmett was big for his age, but Bella was fast. She was at it instantly and hit it back to Edward, hitting him square in the chest with it.

Bella looked concerned momentarily until she saw that mean look on Edward's face, the one she had grown so accustomed to, yet still didn't understand. How could he hate her so, when he didn't even really know her? True, Bella could remember the Cullen's in her life for, well, as long as she could remember, but her interaction with Edward had always been rather limited. Bella didn't remember too much from when she was a baby, small things if she tried real hard sometimes, but nothing of any significance. Edward had always been nice enough, but something about her brother's best friend had always been unnerving to her, therefore she just kept her distance in hopes that one day the odd feeling would go away.

Edward hit the ball back with a scowl on his face. He aimed for Bella intentionally. The ball hit the side of her head, and she toppled over onto the green grass below her feet.

"Bella, you okay?" Emmett asked in concern. "What'd ya do that for, Edward?"

Edward instantly felt bad. He was upset with the girl, but he hadn't meant to hurt her.

"I didn't mean to. Sorry, Bella." Alice smacked Edward in the chest and glared at him, the look in her eyes made Edward cringe. Alice had always been wise beyond her age. Almost as if she knew things no one ever should. It made Edward feel uneasy at times, while others, it helped him immensely. Like that time Alice warned him that a freak snowstorm was coming and he shouldn't ride his bike. He had actually listened to her, knowing all too well that Alice was almost always right. Good thing he did, because halfway home wild winds and blusters of snow attacked with a vengeance, and if Edward had been riding his bike, he would have been hurt for sure.

"She's going to mean something to you someday, and when that day comes, you are going to feel so bad for being so mean to her," Alice growled at him. Edward ducked his head in shame. He hadn't meant to hurt her; he just wanted to get her attention. Maybe have her say more than a word or two to him. Even if they turned out to be angry words, at least they would be words directly spoken to him.

"I'm fine. Game on," Bella called across the grassy field.

Back and forth the ball went, over and over again, Emmett grunting, Bella laughing, Edward smirking, and Alice grinning. The four kids were having a grand time, even with the strange tension in the air, but then the ball ventured off towards the small pond to their right. Bella ran after it. Edward got worried. What if she fell in and got hurt? Edward ran after Bella, intent on helping her.

"Here, let me get it," Edward called as he ran up beside her.

Bella cringed back. So much so, that even Edward noticed the movement.

He grabbed the ball and glared at her. Edward was sick and tired of her treating him like he was a disease.

Bella scampered back towards Emmett, desperate to be away from the intense tingling, the magnetic pull. Scared and curious all at once, Bella took one last look behind her at the ever scowling Edward and shuddered. He was always so angry with her.

The kids resumed their game, played for so long they didn't even realized the time that had passed. White and blue fluffy clouds began to shift into dark grey ones. A clap of thunder boomed overhead and startled them from their game. The ball was caught in a sharp gust of wind, and flew towards the forest that encased the small clearing.

"Kids, storm's coming. It's time to go," their mothers called.

They all began running towards the small hill where their moms were currently closing chairs and collecting blankets.

Bella, however, went after the forgotten ball.

Edward saw her running after it. He didn't like her going off on her own, but after the way she reacted earlier when he had helped her near the pond, he decided just to let her get it on her own.

Bella peeked into the dark, gloomy forest. Thick branches swayed, and the wind screamed through the small spaces between trees. Bella shivered, and her heart began thundering in her chest. She looked back to see everyone cleaning things up. She had to hurry. She could see the ball just a few short feet in front of her. That wasn't so bad.

Just as Bella reached out for the ball, large hands scooped it up. Bella looked up into bright blue eyes and stifled a scream that rose in her throat.

The stranger stared back at the little girl. He took in her rosy cheeks and depthless eyes and decided she was the one.

"Is this your ball?" he asked with a soft smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

Bella stared up at him, her mouth slack and her eyes big, and nodded her head.

The stranger leaned forward with the ball in his hands, making as if to hand the ball to Bella.

Bella leaned forward warily, but still couldn't reach it. She took one small step forward, and her finger tips touched the ball, the second they did, the large man's hands wrapped tightly around her frail wrists. Bella opened her mouth to scream but found one of the man's massive hands was already covering her mouth. Bella kicked at him with all her might and screamed into his hand as a nauseating smell tickled her nostrils.

Bella coughed into his hand a few times, dark speckles accompanying the tight feeling that was clamping in her throat. She looked up at the man with tears leaking from her eyes. He didn't look mean; in fact, he was smiling.

The strange man's smile was the last thing Bella saw before she lost consciousness.

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**Thoughts? Like it? Hate it? want it to continue? Think I should bail and put my ideas elsewhere?**

**Many ppl supported me through the initial stages of this fic, so...instead of thanking each one- I will just say a collective I FUCKING LOVE YOU ALL TO DEATH- and you know who you are. Thnaks for all the support, encouragement and suggestions. Mwah~~~**

**Teasers will post on FaceBook every Sunday.**

**PS- anyone else stumped over the summary?**


	2. Not goodbye, just I'll be back

Nope, still not an update.

I am writing this short message to y'all to apologize for leaving so many of my faithful readers hanging. I feel horrible because I have not been able to complete this story. I want to, and am picking away at it from time to time, slowly putting the remainder together- the key word there being 'slowly'.

I promise I will finish it. I'm just not sure when.

As many of you know I have struggled with health issues, my marriage almost falling apart, moving to a different city, and my youngest son constantly going for different surgeries. I haven't been in a good place to give you all anything good to read in a long time, but I'm getting there, and every day my writing gets to be a bit more, a bit better, and a bit stronger. It'll be back; I just need time.

I considered just leaving things on FF be and simply updating if and when I finally can produce chapters that are not pushed out. However, in the last few months I have changed my mind, and I have to say, rather bluntly, some of you really suck. Not most. Most of you are effing amazing and have been with me, supporting me and cheering me on for so many years. But in the last couple months I have gotten hate mail, crude PMs attacking my integrity and devotion to this fandom, hell even jabbing at the actual person I am. All of this from a handful of people on FF who believe I am in debt to them and have to give them what they want, when they want.

I am not a machine. I am not purposely not updating, and I am not here to be bashed, degraded, spoken down to, nor threatened. I am a human being with feelings, a job, a life, a family and responsibilities. I'm sorry if you feel I have let you down, but a simple, 'why'? PM would have sufficed.

For the time being I am pulling all of my WIP's. I will leave the first chapter up for those of you who may still be lingering around, wanting to read on and willing to wait so when updates do come you will receive notifications. But by removing the remainder of my fics I am hoping- as horrible as this sounds- that if new readers are to come along I will reduce the hate that my lack up updating has brought on. If any of you flounce, I won't take it personally. In fact, I'll completely understand and have no ill will towards any of you.

Too all of those readers who have stuck by me, been my friends, my cheerleaders, my supporters, I'll be back, and until then I'll miss you all. I always do.

Happy New Year!


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